


Blurry

by orphan_account



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Dark, Dark Akira, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Groundhog Day, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kaoru Doesn't Exist, Looping Universe, M/M, Multiple Personalities, Murder, Protective Iwai, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, There will be pain and I'm so sorry, Unstable Akira, Warning before some chapters, Yakuza Akira, early romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 08:37:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20061148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There was no escape from the timeline that would repeat itself every six months. After denying himself the pleasures that are rightfully his, Akira finally cracks under the pressure and takes fate into his own hands. There was solace in knowing that he wasn't alone, however.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I've been preparing some chapters for a couple of months already and now I can finally unleash hell. Thank you for Chii and the entire Iwaipego discord for giving me advice and guidance on this work. >:3

Maybe it was some cruel fate, or some twisted joke that the universe had been playing on Akira. Whatever the case, it didn’t seem like it was going to end anytime soon though. For what has felt like years, Akira has been doomed to repeat the same six months over and over. It made no sense, and yet Akira couldn’t even question it when that seemed to just be another problem that was lost in the mess of troubles that followed Akira.

But it wasn’t all bad, so long as Akira kept his head down and followed the path he had been so used to. He knew the right things to say at the right times, and he knew he wouldn’t dare to venture too far off the path that was laid out before him. At one point, he considered asking for advice from Igor, but there was never any luck in being able to communicate with the long-nosed man. Not even Caroline and Justine would give him the time of day for personal questions. Chihaya’s predictions provided no insight as well, even with how accurate they were. And while he would always mock her for her poor understanding of how fate worked, it seemed like he himself had begun to lose understanding of it as well. The only thing she ever gave him in terms of help were her tarot readings, which always ended with her telling him he was doomed to experience something worse than death: loss.

And while it frightened Akira every time he heard it; he knew he could do nothing about it. His loss. Loss of freedom. Loss of decision. Loss of guidance. Even loss of love, the one that stung the most. Akira knew love wouldn’t and couldn’t be his. For whatever reason, Akira was one of the lucky few on this earth to be graced with a soulmate. And with that, a mark on his body to match his soulmates, useful for identifying them. Planted right on his waist, to the right side of his body was his marking, a gecko. Black as his hair and very distinguishable. It only added to insult that while he was so lucky to have a soulmate, he knew he couldn’t make it work.

It was by chance, fate, that he would meet the person who shared the same marking as him. Iwai Munehisa, the surly and rough airshop store owner. It took everything in Akira’s body to not faint the moment he stepped foot into the shop and instantly saw the man at the counter. His head was down, face covered by a grey hat, and his boots were propped up on the counter. But what instantly caught Akira’s eye was the top part of a marking that identically matched the one on his own body. It was clearly the black gecko. Akira couldn’t get a good look at the man’s face, but he could tell he was much older, as indicated by the grey stubble on his chin, his sideburns, and his large size.

The younger boy would be lying if said he didn’t feel an immediate attraction to him. He wasn’t sure if it was the soulmate effect happening, or from his own preferences for older men, as taboo as it was. But the fact that it was a man. An older man of all people. It would be the most taboo thing in all of Japan. And while same sex soulmates happened, it was more common in the west where those things were more heard of and public. But in Japan, people were still stuck in their old ways and homophobia was still very much alive. Akira had no doubt in his mind that a man as tough looking as him was just as homophobic as the rest of Tokyo. That, and there was no way he’d be fine with having his soulmate be twenty years younger than him.

Every time Akira would repeat the cycles of his life in Shibuya, he’d bear the sight of the older man again and again, always feeling taunted by the marking on his neck. Akira had tempted to get closer to him, but he never had the guts to do so. The most interaction they would have is Akira buying from the older man, and even trading in some of the treasures he would get from palaces. And there was of course the brown bag that Akira would never tempt to look inside of, as much as the desire inside of him burned.

He’d ignore the man the rest of the time he would have left before the cycle would eventually repeat. Akira lost track of how many times it happened; it was more than twenty at least. The cycle always followed the same, right up until the last day before the loop continued. He’d go to sleep on October 22nd, and on the next morning, he’d wake up on the train heading to Shibuya on April 18th.

It’d happen again, Akira opening his eyes to the same poster that was in front of him on the train. This time would feel different though, as something broke inside Akira. He felt the desperation in his soul build up so much, and finally the dam broke down, releasing all the pent-up emotions he had been keeping in for so long. Nobody batted an eye when the young boy would start crying on the train.

The walk to Yongen Jaya was a quiet one. It seemed like the world around him was quiet, even Arsene’s usual appearance in the middle of the streets left a bad taste in his mouth. He felt disgusted with everything around him, the repetition that followed everything. Akira had enough of what he was feeling. Close by was a street filled with cars going at high speeds. None would spot him early enough to stop if he walked right into the middle of the street. So, he did just that, without even hesitating the first step. The first desire he’d ever acted upon was the one that would take his life.

His eyes focused in front of him, while his ears tuned out the rest of what was going. It was all muffled. Everything was blurry. And soon, the car horns began to fade in, and then all Akira could remember was black, and pain beyond anything he had ever felt before.

When the lights came back on, he was back in the train. Akira didn’t think his idea would work anyways. Far on the other side of the train though, another man in a grey coat and grey hat would be looking around, bewildered at his setting, for he had not experienced coming back to this day so early. Neither of the men noticed each other’s presence though, and both exited the train. They would split ways once again.

Akira would pass by the road where he offed himself, only to be surprised by the blood splattered on the round. It was obvious there was a visceral accident that occurred, but nobody seemed to notice. Another thing that only Akira was aware of. His day would continue as normal, he swallowed his feelings once again. It wouldn’t be until later that night when Leblanc was empty that he’d allow himself to let out his feelings. He’d lay on the futon and cry until he passed out, unaware of the man miles away who stayed up and wondered why his cycle had ended early.

When Akira woke up in the morning, he’d stare at the ceiling and allow his thoughts to wander. He was tired of letting his life be led in this direction, aimless and repeating endlessly. He loved being a phantom thief and changing people’s hearts, but he knew there was more going on than that. Akira knew he could make a bigger impact on fate, and it was clear now that he had no consequences to worry about as not even death could stop him. His desires had been repressed for so long, but he knew he could no longer ignore them. A flame was burning in his heart now, and for the first time in so long, Akira could feel his trickster side beginning to have fun.

The first desire on Akira’s list, his soulmate.


	2. Chapter 1

****The sound of thumping was growing louder and louder in Akira’s ears as he walked towards Untouchable. The glow of the green neon sign strained Akira’s eyes and the hum of it made his neck tingle. His heart continued thumping, burning with the feeling of want, _ need_. He was going to get what he wants finally, an answer with or without satisfaction. “Hey, Joker, are you sure we’re going to the right place?” Morgana called from his bag; his voice sounded worried as he looked around the alleyway.

Akira knew this was risky. There were so many variables to this, he wasn’t even sure on how to act with Iwai. Taking a deep breath, he collected himself. The past few weeks have been bleak, the feeling of surviving suicide was not something Akira could lightly shake off. But he knew, for his sake, he’d have to put up his joker persona if he could make any progress. ‘One step at a time.’ Was all Akira thought to himself.

“Yeah. Stay outside while I’m in there. I’ll be back.” Akira answered him. He let the cat down from his bag and walked into the store, he immediately was bombarded with the foreign rock music that played from the speakers. Iwai was behind the counter, and like always, he was seated with his boots up on the counter and a magazine in his hand. Akira approached him from the counter and waited till the man looked up at him.

“Hn, can I help you?” The older man grunted; his deep voice always sent chills down Akira’s spine.

“I’d like a job here.” Akira spared no expense in getting to the point.

“Well this is new.” Iwai seemed surprised; his eyes widened a little. Akira was caught off guard in return by Iwai’s response.

“Pardon?”

Iwai just shook his head, “nothin’, don’t worry about it. Listen kid, you don’t want to get wrapped up in this place.” Truth be told, Iwai was already accustomed to Akira as he had met the boy many times, but never had the boy been so brave to ask for a job. Usually he’d just come in to sell random valuables that a sixteen-year-old boy wouldn’t typically have.

“But what if I do. I’d think you find it pretty interesting if I started working here.” Akira bent over the counter and rested his chin in his hands, staring at the rough older man in the eye. Iwai clicked his tongue; he’d never seen the kid act like this before. He sat upright and gave him a menacing look; he wasn’t sure what this kid was up to, but it made Iwai go on the defensive.

“Give me a reason why I should trust you then.” Iwai demanded, he grabbed Akira’s collar and pulled him closer. He hoped to maybe scare the boy away, but the young trickster just kept a sly smile on his face, keeping his eyes locked in place.

Akira moved his hands and lifted his shirt, letting the black gecko mark on his waist peak out above his jeans. His heart was pounding, the fear, anticipation, all the sounds and feelings mixed into one anxious mass that planted itself in Akira’s heart. Iwai stared at the mark with widened eyes, his own voice choked up in his throat and all the words in his head faded into mist.

“That mark,” his eyes darted up at Akira again, “you’re fucking with me, kid.” Iwai’s own expression turned angry, and Akira couldn’t tell if he was horrified of his choice in timing or turned on by how rough and angry Iwai was now.

“I wish I was.” He licked his thumb and ran it across the marking, showing Iwai his marking wasn’t a fake.

“Could just be a tattoo.” The grey-haired man growled at him.

“But I’m a good boy, I’d never get a tattoo.” Akira felt himself gutsier from that. Iwai was flabbergasted and released his grip on the boy. Iwai stood up and circled behind the counter, at first Akira thought he would be attacked, but felt relieved when Iwai moved past him. He felt fear again when Iwai went to the door and locked it.

“You and me gotta talk.” Iwai’s voice went deeper as he talked, Akira was sure he was turned on at this point. Iwai moved to the back room and signaled for Akira to follow him. It was cramped, but Iwai made space for the both of them to sit. “Show me the whole marking.”

The command made Akira blush; he didn’t intend on coming here to pull his pants down in front of the older man. “Now.” His voice was sterner, and his eyes became arrows that pierced Akira’s demeanor. In fear, Akira slowly stood and began to unbuckle his belt, and then undo the zipper. Before he began to slide his pants all the way down, he felt Iwai grab his arm. “No kid, just show me the tattoo, not bare it all. I ain’t a fuckin creep.” Iwai sighed. There was a breath of relief as Akira just slid down the side of his jeans to show Iwai the marking. Iwai in returned took off his coat and pulled the collar down of his black turtleneck, letting his own marking be exposed. Iwai’s was more faded in color, which was common for soulmate marks the older the person got, but it still looked much older than Akira’s mark which was still a deep black.

Iwai let both of their marks face each other as he examined them with a small mirror he kept in the back room. After a few minutes of silent observation Iwai put the mirror down and sighed. What should’ve been a happy moment for soulmates to finally meet felt like a great grievance, Iwai had always wondered when he’d meet his soulmate, but the older he got the more he felt as if he was losing the best time of his life. Now a sixteen-year-old shows up and makes Iwai question his morals.

“Listen, I shouldn’t have sprung this on you. I just wanted to know how you’d react.” The younger boy felt embarrassed and saddened by the reaction of his soulmate. He knew this could be an outcome but still, he didn’t expect it to hurt this much.

“Heh, you say that as if you’ve known about me for a long time.” Iwai let out a small chuckle, but he had suspicions now of what the boy meant.

“And if I had?” Akira questioned.

“Then I’d say that you and I are in the same situation.”

The two of them looked at each other, unsure of what to say. Akira didn’t know if Iwai was the same as him, if they were both stuck in a loop. Meanwhile, Iwai had trouble even reading what the boy was thinking. Akira knew he could chance it, if he blurted out the truth, he knew he could always kill himself to restart, as morbid and painful as it was. But there was still the chance that Iwai could relate to him and have some answers.

“I’ve been stuck in a loop.” Akira chose his words carefully, giving hints to see if Iwai would catch on. “And it seems that at some point, I keep restarting from the very beginning.”

“It’s okay, kid, I know what you mean. So, you’ve been repeating the same six months too?” Iwai was no fool, he knew what the kid meant. He felt happier about the fact that Akira was in the same situation as him rather than the fact that he was his soulmate.

“Yeah. No matter what, I just keep going back to April and never past October.” Akira smiled faintly; it was obvious that they were moving on from that fact that they’re soulmates.

“So, you’ve been dying too?” Iwai asked.

“No, I’ve only died once, and even then, it was my own…” The young boy let his sentence fade off, he didn’t want to finish and thankfully Iwai was understanding. “But either way, every October 22nd just ends with me blacking out and then waking up in April."

“October huh. No matter what I do, I always get killed. Can’t even hide anywhere safe.” Iwai can remember every shot taken into his body; it never got any easier.

“You die?” And then it clicked in Akira’s head. “Wait, the last timeline, did it randomly restart for you in the middle of the first day? April 18th?”

Iwai looked at him in confusion. “Yeah, what about it?”

Akira was shaking. “And you didn’t die that day?”

“Not at all. It was the only time that ever happened.”

Akira finally got an answer, after so long. He felt some small victory, even if it still left a bunch of unanswered questions. “I died on that day.”

Iwai could feel sympathy for the kid, the pain of dying wasn’t something someone should feel more than once, especially by your own hand. “So, what I’m getting at is, if one of us dies, the both of us gotta restart?” Akira just nodded at the simple answer. “Shit. That’s some karma.”

“Do you think it’s because we’re soulmates?” Akira asked, unsure if he should bring it back up.

“Nah, I’ve never heard anything about soulmates repeating their lives if the other dies. Tons of soulmates can lose their partner before they even meet.” Iwai explained, for the longest time he considered that to be the case with his own soulmate. “This is probably something else. But still, why us?”

Akira at first considered the situation to occur because of his involvement with the metaverse that caused this to happen, but since Iwai was in the picture it was harder to understand it.

After a lot of quiet thinking and uncertainty of what to even say, Iwai was the first to speak up. “Kid, I’m grateful for you coming this way and letting me know about this, but I don’t know how to feel about this.” He said as he pointed to his mark. Iwai had always assumed it was a woman that would be his soulmate. He always liked women, but he always kept himself single to wait for his soulmate. Truth be told, Iwai never had a true opinion on them since he had never been with anyone romantically. Sexually though, he would sleep with several women in his life, none really seemed to be anything special though. But now knowing his soulmate was boy who could surely get him arrested if they weren’t careful.

Iwai couldn’t lie though, Akira had this aura of beauty and intimidation that always surrounded him, as if he was so sure of himself. While Iwai would only see it firsthand just recently, he would spot Akira at Crossroads serving customers and being a sly little brat. Akira’s perfectly messy hair, shiny black eyes, and soft looking lips always looked so perfect on Akira. His skin did look soft too, so pale, as if he were made of porcelain. Iwai was sure he’d break him if he even put a hand on such a beauty.

Akira had a look of disappointment on his, he had no way to restart this interaction know that he knew Iwai would remember. Being so forward and instantly showing Iwai his mark was a mistake that bit him in the ass. Iwai could seem the boy’s frown, and even he had to admit that he looked cute when he didn’t have his handsome smirk planted on his face. Maybe he could give him a chance, if to just have something pretty to look at, at least.

“Get your stuff, I’m taking you home.” Iwai asserted and stood up as Akira grabbed his bag and followed him out of the store. Outside, Morgana waited for him and jumped in surprise when he saw Iwai walk out with Akira. “You’ve still got the damn cat?”

“I can never get away from him.” Akira smiled as he picked him up and put him in his bag.

“Joker, who is this guy?” Morgana asked, but Akira kept silent so Iwai didn’t hear him talking to the cat.

Iwai led him to his car and unlocked it for him. It was clean inside but smelled heavily like cigarettes and car freshener that did poorly in masking the smell of cigarettes. Akira didn’t mind it though, he loved the smell, it made him think of Leblanc. He was sure he smelled of cigarettes and coffee most of the time anyways. Iwai asked for directions to Akira’s place and drove, hardly speaking a word as Akira guided him. As Iwai pulled up, he eyed the place with curiosity. “A cafe? This the right place?”

“Yeah, my guardian lets me sleep up in the attic since I’m on probation.” Akira stated, as if it was nothing.

This was news to Iwai as he never knew much about Akira, only his name when the kid gave it to him the first time they met. “Probation? You got a record on you?”

“Yup, that’s a story for a different time though.” The black-haired boy gave a devious smirk. He was about to open the door when he felt Iwai’s hand pull his arm. Akira looked over and then felt chapped lips brush against his. Iwai didn’t put the effort in giving him a full kiss, but just enough of a tease to leave the kid shaking in his seat.

“Stop by the store tomorrow so I can hear that story, ‘kay?” Iwai mused then finally planted a kiss on the young boy’s lips, holding the back of his head to keep him still. Akira let out a small gasp when Iwai pulled away, his cheeks were red with excitement and adrenaline from his first kiss. Iwai found it cute how shocked Akira was, he would make sure to give him another kiss and see if he got even more flustered. “See ya.”

Akira got out of the car and fumbled with the keys to Leblanc as he unlocked the door, aware of Iwai still watching him from the car. As he went inside, he heard him drive away, and when he left Akira let himself melt on the floor.

“Joker, don’t tell me you’re involved with that man?” Morgana worried as he climbed out of the bag and stood in front of the boy on the floor.

“I’m more than involved, he’s my soulmate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to @rhapshie for the amazing art!!! I'm hoping to do biweekly updates, and then eventually finish this story up in a couple of months ;3


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